This girl...

This baby we promised to love forever...

That was almost six years ago - SIX YEARS!

I'll spare you the long, sad story since most of you reading probably already know it, but if you don't and you want a refresher, you can go back here and  here.  I haven't had much to say the past couple of years because there simply hasn't been much.  We've been promised more times than I can count and we've stood ready every second of every day. I go to bed at night thinking of her and wake up every morning thinking of her because that's what do when you are parents of a child.  Despite what some people believe, you CAN actually love a child who is not in your home, not in your arms.  It's a different kind of love - one that still has to grow in the traditional sense, but it's still very real.  My heart has been broken for this little girl for six years and a piece of my heart has been on the other side of the world since the day we said "yes." 

Lest you think I have been the one suffering here, let me assure you, what I have been through is nothing compared to what she has been through.  She lives in a state of constant physical and emotional distress.  She may have a roof and some clothing (although none of it is hers), she may even have an occasional toy to play with.  She receives food and water even though her diet is inadequate to ensure proper growth and nutrition.  She doesn't go to school or experience the ins and outs of daily family life.  She doesn't HAVE a family to call her own.  She doesn't have someone to tuck her in at night, say prayers, hold her when she's sick, respond to her cries, share successes and dreams with, teach her to speak, or celebrate holidays with.

It has been almost two years since we've seen her - an eternity.  We told her we were coming back - we PROMISED.  I wonder sometimes if she thinks we lied to her or abandoned her and if she hates us for that.  I pray that she will eventually forgive us and that in time can learn to love us.  I wonder how deep her emotional scars are and if her heart can be softened again.  I pray every day that we will have the chance to try.   

The Kyrgyz government is once again in the process of reopening adoptions.  We are beyond desperate to free her this time.  She needs us and we need her.  Over the coming weeks and months we will once again redo all of our paperwork, sign on with yet another agency and put our trust in the hands of people who will hopefully guide us to bringing our sweet little girl to redemption.  We pray you will follow our journey and support us along the way.