He Continues to Amaze Me!



Day 1 - 11mos, 3wks old - 12 lbs!

FOUR years ago today we walked into an orphanage in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.  We were filled with anticipation and excitement over meeting this little person who would, of course, love us unconditionally and become our son.  We were nervous, exhausted from over 36 hours of travel and had no clue what to expect.  I will never forget those first moments.  I can still smell the orphanage, see the rooms, the hallways, the women's faces, the little cribs all lined up in rows.  I can hear the eerie silence that didn't really seem odd to me until after we left.  I don't know that I've ever had the courage to blog about the actual first feelings I experienced when Esen's caregiver brought him out to meet us.  He was so small, pale, shaky.  He could barely hold his head upright.  I remember my excitement turning to fear and the thought that overtook me was "I can't do this."  I was so not prepared to meet this little boy who already had so much history and endured so much trauma.  Esen survived our nervous glances, a few touches and eventually being held for a few moments.  Little did we know at the time that it would be weeks before he would learn to tolerate touch and months before he would look us in the eye. That first two weeks we spent with him in Kyrgyzstan were priceless.  I never imagined a person could change so much so fast.  He literally changed hour by hour.  By the end of our time there he was enjoying being held by us; he was not frantically crying through every feeding for fear that we'd stop giving him food; he was pushing up on his arms and looking stronger and stronger.  It didn't take long for me to realize that there was an incredible spirit buried deep beneath the surface of this small soul and in time, we would continue to see more of it.

Over the past four years, Esen has continued to grow and amaze me every single day.  He has overcome obstacles both physical and emotional that we cannot begin to understand.  His intelligence blows me away and truth be told, I fear that I won't be able to keep up with him.  Esen baffles me sometimes and I've learned that I can be okay with that.  Frankly, he has baffled some in the medical community as well.  He just doesn't "fit the mold."  I've learned to stop searching for answers and realize that "sometimes...it just is what is!"  I cannot imagine where the road will lead for this crazy, little boy of mine.  I have no doubt it's going to be a wild and VERY fun ride!! I am so grateful that our life circumstances took us to that tiny pancreas-shaped country that we'd never heard of and that out of hundreds of millions of orphans in the world, Esen was chosen just for us.  I cannot imagine our lives without him.  He truly is a miracle and is definitely my hero! 

Happy Gotcha Day, Little Monkey!!