Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Self Censorship

I started this blog back in, oh 2008, I think, solely for the purpose of chronicling our second adoption from Kyrgyzstan.  I suspected that adoption process would conclude in late 2008 early 2009 and really hadn't thought ahead to what would become of my little blog.  Well, as you know, a lot has happened in the past three years.  Our second Kyrgyz adoption is STILL in process and our first domestic adoption occurred in 2009.  Our lives have changed more than I ever could've imagined over the past three years.   We have had experiences I never anticipated.  We've learned more than I thought I could learn about things I never even heard of.  As a result, this little blog of mine has morphed into much more than just a place to record an adoption journey.  It has become a place to vent, to share stories, to preserve memories, to keep family and friends informed, to share knowledge, to facilitate connections, but perhaps most important, it's become a sort of therapy for me. 

Over the years, my readership has expanded to include not only close family, friends and total strangers, but coworkers, acquaintances, virtual friends, community members, and service providers.  As my readership has expanded, I've noticed myself "toning" down my posts a bit more - self censorship of sorts.  I find myself typing along, then suddenly stopping, thinking, wondering "what will so and so think if they read that" and ultimately hitting delete.  I have stalked read a lot of blogs over the past few years and am always awed by the writers that are brutally open and honest.  I am inspired by the women that have the balls to put it all out there and not care what others' think of them.  I wonder how great it must feel to just be able to do it and go about life knowing you've said what you've felt and have the peace that goes along with that.  I often wish I could do that and then wonder, why can't I?  Who says I have to be proper all the time?  Who says I have to worry about hurting someone else's feelings?  What about my feelings?  This is MY blog - no one is forced to read it.  Why can't I be one of those ballsy people who just let it all hang out?  Perhaps there's one person out there who would be inspired or touched by something I've written.  Perhaps there's one person out there who really needed to hear it!  So, my blog-resolution for 2011.  I'm going to try - really hard - to keep it real here.  If your a regular reader who doesn't feel they want to know me THAT well, you may wish to tune out for a bit.


Michelle said...

haha....i haven't posted on my blog in over a week because I am censoring myself! I just have to get over it!
My life used to be a total open book and now I am all secretive for no good reason!

Cindy LaJoy said...

I know what you mean, me too. Wish I could be more open, I try and force myself and sometimes I succeed, many times I fail. Most often it is when it has nothing to do with our family but is about some event or person outside our little world. Hard, isn't it? I hope you can give me more courage!